Little Bean
by Justkillingtimewhileiwait
Summary: A four part story based on an Anon prompt from tumblr "I hope you're taking linstead prompts: Jay finds out Erin is pregnant before she does :-/ I'd love to see how you do this" (I do not own Chicago PD or any of its characters.)
1. Chapter 1

This was an anon prompt from tumblr : "I hope you're taking linstead prompts: Jay finds out Erin is pregnant before she does :-/ I'd love to see how you do this" I'm currently hold up in bed with the flu so I hope I did it justice!

Erin entered the darkened room tentatively, carefully balancing her weight between her feet so as to be prepared if someone came charging at her, gun draw in her right hand, held out in front of her, flashlight held above it with her left hand, breath slow and steady. She could hear Jay moving further down the hall behind her. They'd come upstairs to clear the bedrooms while Kevin and Adam cleared the main floor. So far the house appeared empty.

Erin stepped fully into the bedroom so she could check the far side of the bed and the closet. Silently she stepped closer to the bed. The sudden slam of the door behind her made her turn quickly on her heals. Her flashlight caught the features of a tall, broad shouldered man lunging towards her. Erin fired a shot at him but her reaction time was too slow and the shot went wide as her assailant took her too the ground, his shoulder pounding into her ribs as they hit the floor. Her head hit the floor hard making light burst behind her closed eyelids. Her gun slipped from her hand and slide across the floor.

Sharp pain from the impact made her inhale quickly. Through the haze of pain she could here her team shouting in the background and quickened footsteps moving in her direction. She pushed the pain down and struggled to free herself from under her attacker. A quick upswing of her knee made contact with his groin and she was able to shimmy out from under him as he hunched in pain.

Erin scrambled towards her gun but felt herself pulled back abruptly by her hair. The assailant began pounding his fist into her abdomen. Erin grabbed at the hand fisted in her hair and yanked her body down, twisting towards him quickly, forcing his wrist to crack with pain. He yelled out and released her hair. Erin delivered a solid kick to his groin and when he bent forward cracked his jaw with her knee.

The door behind her burst open, splinters of wood flying as Kevin broke his way in. Someone flipped on the light and her assailant was quickly tackled and secured by her three partners. Erin grabbed at the bedpost to steady herself and clutched her side, trying to steady her breathing. The warmth of a familiar hand landed gently on her back.

"You good," Jay asked, trying to keep the panic from his voice. She'd kill him if he fussed over her too much while on the job. Erin nodded stiffly.

"Yeah, he got a couple good shots in, just need a minute." She breathed out, watching Adam and Kevin escort her attacker not so gently out of the room.

"He's a pretty big guy," Jay observed, impressed by the obvious damage Erin had inflicted on her attacker.

Jay handed Erin her fire arm to holster. Erin nodded her thanks as she awkwardly put her gun away. Jay noticed the slight shake in her hand, shallow breathing and pale skin.

"Maybe we should take a swing by med on the way back to the district, just to make sure nothing's broken?" Jay hedged.

Erin shook her head no, dismissing his concern. "I'm good. Just need to catch my breath. Think he knocked the wind out of me. We should go, I want first crack at interrogating that asshole." She said, shuffling her way to the door.

Jay blew out a breath but didn't fight her. He made a note to keep a close eye on her the rest of the day and followed her down and out of the house. As they approached the car Erin passed him the keys and made her way to the passenger side.

"You sure you don't want to go to med?" He tried one last time, looking at her over the car. Erin just glared at him before sinking down into the car.

Erin sat with her head resting against the cool glass of the window while Jay drove. The pressure on her lungs had let up a bit but her stomach still felt the impact of the repeated blundering it endured. Her head was throbbing too. She closed her eyes and tried focusing on something pleasant to distract from the pain.

About half way to the district Jay turned to ask Erin if she wanted to stop and grab a coffee. There was no response. He reached his hand across the seat and shook her leg gently.

"Erin," he called out but still got no response.

His heart beat quickened as he felt for a pulse and checked to see if she was breathing, only slightly relieved when he found positive signs of both. Jay flipped on the lights and stomped on the gas, quickly making a u turn and heading for med. He radioed ahead to let them know he was coming in with her. Jay gently shook and called Erin's name repeatedly as he drove but she didn't come to.

Jay screeched to a halt in front of the emergency entrance of the hospital. Will met him at the door with a gurney and several nurses. They quickly lifted Erin out of the car and began assessing her while wheeling her into an exam room.

After filling them in on what had happened Jay paced the hall. After what felt like an eternity Will finally came out to update him.

"How is she?" Jay asked nervously.

"Still unconscious. She took a pretty nasty blow to the head and there's some swelling. Once it goes down she should wake up. She's got a couple cracked ribs and some pretty nasty abdominal bruising but it doesn't look like there's any internal bleeding. We're just waiting for her blood work to come back but we'll be admitting her, at least overnight, to monitor that head wound." Will informed Jay.

"So, she'll be okay?"Jay asked carefully.

"Yeah, I think so. You can go sit with her if you like," he added, placing his hand on his little brother's shoulder.

Jay nodded his thanks and headed to Erin's room. He'd sat for a long time, his hand in hers, stroking her knuckles and watching the slow rise and fall of her chest, willing her to wake up and give him shit for bringing her here, when Will slid the glass door to her room open.

"Hey," Will greeted Jay quietly. "Can we talk for a sec?"

Jay gave Will a puzzled look but rose to his feet and followed Will out of the room and down the hall to the doctors lounge. Once inside Will checked to see they were alone then closed the door.

"Have a seat," Will said, motioning to the chair.

A chill ran down Jay's spine and his chest tightened. This couldn't be good. "I'll stand thanks," Jay always felt more in control on his feet and if Will was going to deliver some bad news Jay needed to be ready for the blow.

Will shook his head at his brother's stubbornness and blew out a breath. He wasn't quite sure how to share what he's just learned or how Jay was going to react to his news.

After a few moments of staring at each other Will looked away, squared his shoulders and looked back at Jay and begain. "Erin's blood work came back." He said flatly. "It's standard protocol to test patients blood for a variety of things,"

"Will I'm not an idiot, I know this. Just spit out whatever it is you need to say,"Jay interrupted impatiently.

Will nodded, "Erin's pregnant. Blood test indicated about five weeks along."

Jay stood silent, his brain had been bracing for the word cancer, or permanent brain damage or some other horrid words he wanted to rip from the English language and protect Erin from. They'd fought long and hard for what they had, no way could he accept the possibility of something cutting their always short.

"Jay?" Will questioned, breaking Jay from his trance. "Did you hear what I said?"

Jay's eyes focused back on Will as he let the announcement seep in. Pregnant. Erin was pregnant. Not condemned to a state of permanent unconsciousness, not dying. Pregnant. She was pregnant. Jay's eyes went wide.

"A baby," he whispered, wonder in his voice.

"Yeah, that's what the word pregnant means," Will teases, watching his brother's reaction closely. He didn't know if he was going to be buying cigars to celebrate with or helping Jay drown the reality that he was stuck raising an ankle biter with Molly's most expensive bottle of scotch.

"A baby," Jay said again, testing the word on his lips.

"I assume you guys weren't planning on this?" Will asked.

"I, umm, we weren't not not planning," Jay stammered.

Will looked at Jay confused.

"We talked about it, she went off her birth control last month. Her doctor said we should give it a few months before we started trying. We figured it would take awhile," Jay explained. He sat heavily on a chair and blew out a ragged breath, expelling all the panic he'd been holding in when he was expecting bad news.

"So... this is a good thing then?" Will tried.

A slow smile spread across Jay's face and into his eyes. "Yeah. Yeah, it it."

Will smiled back at him but just as quickly as it had spread, the smile on Jay's face vanished. "Wait, is it okay?" Jay questioned, jumping to his feet. "She took a pretty hard beating today. Is the baby gonna be okay?"

Will stepped forward and grabbed his little brother by the shoulder, trying to contain Jay's panic before it got to far out of hand.

"The baby should be fine. I'll do an ultrasound, we'll have a quick peak. Fortunately being so early the baby's pretty insulated in there and we didn't see any internal damage when we checked her abdomen before. That's a good sign." Will assured him.

Jay nodded but didn't seem convinced. "We should get back," he said abruptly, suddenly overwhelmed by the need to be close to Erin and their baby.

""Let's go," Will said, opening the door for him.

Jay took the seat next to Erin and scooped her hand between his. It seemed so small in his now. He glanced over at her midsection, covered by the hospital blankets. Somewhere beneath them, hidden deep within her still flat belly, there was a tiny little life growing. A life he'd helped create.

He looked up at Erin's face. She looked peaceful sleeping there. Some of the colour had returned to her face. He thought about how he was going to tell her about the baby. She may need a minute to adjust to the news. She was still skeptical she'd be a good mom and she'd created some kind of check list of things she wanted to do before they started trying. Jay felt a bit bad that list would be put to the side now, but he'd do what he could to make it up to her.

Will set up the ultrasound machine while Jay was lost in his thoughts. "Ready?" Will asked pulling back the blankets covering Erin's stomach.

"Yeah, I guess," Jay shrugged nervously. God he hoped the baby was okay.

Will gave him a reassuring smile, lifted Erin's shirt and squeezed ultrasound gel onto her abdomen. Jay saw red as he took in the bruising across her stomach and ribs. He started imagining the payback he'd give the asshole who'd put those marks there.

Between that and a few moments of watching Will moving the wand around and staring at the screen with a furrowed brow Jay felt like he was going to explode.

"Well?" He barked at his brother, desperate to know what was happening.

"Patience there papa bear," Will teased. "Ah, here we go." Will turned the screen towards Jay. "Like I sad it's early so there's not much to see but see this little bean here," Will said pointing to a blotch on the screen, "that's my new niece or nephew," he stated, smiling proudly.

Jay stared at the monitor intently then down at the wand on Erin's lower abdomen and back up at the screen. He tried to wrap his head around what he was seeing. He looked up at his brother.

"Everything seems fine," Will confirmed.

Jay smiled softly. Everything was fine. Their baby was fine. Baby. The full impact of the word hit him. Jay was going to be a father. In eight short months there'd be a mini Erin wrapped up in his arms. It was an overwhelming idea but one that made him excited too.

Will cleaned the gel off Erin and covered her back up.

Jay squeezed Erin's hand and pressed his lips against her knuckles. He wasn't expecting her fingers to tighten around his. He looked up to see her eyes flutter open then squint as they confronted the light in the room. When she finally focused on him he gave her a heart stopping smile, excited to share their news with her.

Except the words wouldn't come out. She'd been disoriented and in pain and it didn't seem to be the right time. Then they'd moved her up to a room and she'd drifted off to sleep. Now at two am she'd woken him from his uncomfortable spot in the chair by her bed to get his help going to the bathroom.

As he helped her settle back into bed he decided he'd better tell her before one of the nurses let it slip out.

"How you feeling?" He asked by way of conversation starter.

"Not too bad, they better let me go home in the morning," she grumbled.

Jay smiled and tucked her hair behind her ear. "About that, there's something they didn't tell you."

Erin stared at him, "What?" She demanded. "Why not?"

"I asked Will to let me tell you," Jay confessed. "I wanted to earlier but you didn't really seem..." his voice drifted off.

"Jay," Erin said, lacing her fingers through his nervously, "Whatever it is, please just tell me."

Jay looked up to see fear and uneasiness in Erin's eyes. Instinctively his hand cupped her cheek. "No sweetheart, it's nothing like that," he soothed. "I, umm, well when they did your blood work" he stumbled, resorting to how Will told him.

Erin's hand came to rest over top of Jay's on her cheek. "Baby please just spit it out," she pleaded.

"We're, you're pregnant," he said on an exhale.

He waited for her to process his words and watched her face intently. Her eyes went wide and intuitively her hands flew to her tummy.

"He punched me.." she began, panicked.

"It's okay, the baby's okay. Will had a look while you were out. Everything's fine," he said calmly.

"It is?" She asked disbelievingly.

"Yeah, he showed me," Jay said confidently.

"You, you saw our baby? Without me?" She tried to school her features but Jay could see the disappointment in her eyes.

Jay suddenly felt guilty, she was right the first glimpse of their baby should have been something they'd shared together.

"I'm sorry, but we were worried, with your injuries..." he apologized.

Erin raised her hand and stroked his cheek. "It's okay." She soothed. "I would have done the same." She smiled softly at him. "Wow," she breathed out a moment later. "I wasn't expecting that."

"Yeah, it was a bit of a surprise for me too," he admitted. Jay couldn't read the expression on Erin's face. "Are... are you okay with this. I mean we talked about it but I know you had a plan..."

Erin ran her hand back and forth across her stomach. "You think I'll be an okay mom, right? You don't think I'll mess it up to badly, do you?" Her voice full of doubt.

Jay placed his hand over the one Erin had on her belly and waited until she looked him in the eyes. "Erin you're gonna be an amazing mom, no one has a bigger heart than you."

She nodded but he could tell she still didn't fully believe him. "Well at least we know he's gonna have the best dad," she said leaning forward to kiss him softly.

"She," he corrected her.

"What? There's no way to know that yet," she scoffed. Jay just shrugged at her. He was already convinced it was a girl.

Slowly a smile stretched across her face. "Hey," she said shyly, squeezing his hand.

"Yeah?" He asked, God she was beautiful when she smiled like that.

Erin's eyes filled with tears as her smile grew wider. "I have your baby growing inside me," she said, voice full of wonder.

"So I've heard," he laughed happily, they stared at each other, excitement in their eyes before Jay shifted closer and pulled Erin into his arms. She lay her head on his shoulder, turning her head to bury it in his neck.

"A baby," she whispered again in awe.

"Umm," he murmured into her hair. "Our baby." He corrected her.

Erin's arms squeezed him tighter. "Our baby," she repeated.

Jay was sure he'd never heard sweeter words spoken.


	2. Part Two Pregnancy

She didn't realize how much she needed Hank's approval until the day they'd gone over to his house to tell him about the baby. He'd been dropping hints this last year saying things like how he loved watching Danny play hockey when he could make it down for his games but missed having a grandchild to snuggle in his arms. He'd then give her and Jay a pointed look. She'd rallied back, reminding him about his threats to boot her from Intelligence if she wanted to "play house." This always got a sour look from him and he'd mutter about how if he had to put up with a romance in his bullpen for the last five years the least he could get was a grand baby out of the deal, and then he'd stormed back into his office and closed the door a little too forcefully.

Well today was the day he'd get his wish. Erin just hoped he'd actually be happy about it now that it was a reality.

Jay had wanted to tell Hank at work, just go in early one day and let him know before the rest of the team got there but Erin was feeling more sentimental these days, she blamed that on the hormones. Actually she was blaming a lot on the hormones. If she was gonna have to put up with growing a kid inside her and the laundry list of symptoms she'd been reading about since finding out they were pregnant last week, she figured least she could get was a free pass to act however she wanted and get her way.

So Erin insisted they announce the baby in a more traditional way. She didn't care if it made Jay uncomfortable. She knew he preferred to keep Hank at arms length, in the 'he's my boss' box but Jay was just going to have to get use to that line being blurred now that they were having a baby. Blood relation or not, Hank Voight was this baby's Papa and that was something Jay was going to have to find a way to deal with.

So here they were sitting at the dining table she'd shared with Hank, Camille and Justin through her teen years, having an awkward Sunday dinner. Her hands were sweaty and she wished for a moment Camille was here to ease the awkwardness. She smiled thinking how much Camille would have loved Jay. Hell she'd even settle for Justin and the jealous jabs he'd take at Jay. God she missed them both so much still.

"Spit it out," Hank broke the silence and commanded gruffly, making Jay's back snap up straight like he was still in the military and Erin drop her fork.

She muttered her her apology at the awful clatter the fork made and glanced at Jay, hoping he'd share their news with Hank. But he was offering no support, his eyes clearly telling her this was her idea so it was on her to make the announcement. She gave Jay a glare, letting him know she'd make him pay later, then cleared her throat.

"So we, umm, have some news," she began.

"I gathered as much," Hank said flatly. His face was devoid of emotion, making it hard for Erin to read him.

"We found out a few days ago and well we thought you should know," Erin said, letting out a frustrated sigh.

This wasn't the speech Erin had prepared and practiced over and over in her head since asking Hank Friday night if they could come to Sunday dinner. She picked up her glass of water and took a sip. Hank folded his hands under his chin and looked back and forth between them waiting, in what could be deemed as patience if you knew Hank Voight, for one of them to enlighten him. Erin's glass hit the table a little harder than she expected.

"We're pregnant," she blurted out. She caught the wince on Jay's face at her less than gracefully delivery. But to his credit he reached under the table and squeezed her thigh reassuringly while they waited the beat it took for Hank to react.

A slow smile began to push out the harsh lines on Hank's face. He pushed back his chair in silence and came around the table, pulling Erin up and into a hug. Erin's body relaxed, relieved Hank was happy about the baby.

If Jay didn't know better he swore he saw tears shining in the harsh man's eyes. Pulling back he looked Erin in the eyes, smiling for a long moment. Then, just like that the smile was replaced by his usual stern look.

"You're on modified duty, starting immediately," he commanded, pointing a finger at her.

Erin nodded quietly then Hank stepped around her and extended his hand to Jay. Jay rose and shook hands with his boss. Voight's grip was firm and his eyes bore into Jay leaving no doubt of their message. 'Take care of Erin and the baby or you'll be wearing a Chicago necklace' Voigh silently threatened. Jay smiled confidently and nodded, although offended that after all this time Voight still didn't trust

that no one cared for Erin as deeply as Jay did.

Five weeks later Jay wondered if Voight was trying to test exactly how deep his feelings were for Erin. He'd assigned them to surveillance duty watching an abandoned warehouse and Jay felt like he'd spent the last six hours in hell. If she wasn't complaining she was hungry or bored she was going on about how unfairly pregnant women were treated. He almost blew their cover wanting to escape from the car when she caught on that he was only half listening to her and spent the next ten minutes chewing him up one side then down the other. Jay was sure he would have had an easier go of it being locked in the cage with Voight.

His suffering was quickly forgotten when later that night Erin emerged from their bedroom in nothing but a few scraps of expensive black lace. She said she owed him an apology for the way she'd acted on their stake out and felt like a crazy woman with all the hormones running wild in her body.

Jay quickly and enthusiastically accepts her apology. It was only as his lips chased his fingers over her belly that he noticed it for the first time, the small but firm swell that proved his little bean was growing inside Erin. After he finished making love to her that night Jay lay with his head on Erin's belly for a long time tracing over its new curve, imagining how much more beautiful she'd be with each passing month.

When Erin was seventeen weeks pregnant Jay experienced what he thought heart attack victims must go through. The bullpen was unusually quiet, everyone elbow deep in paperwork trying to locate the serial killer who's victims were plastered all over the board.

"Oh my god!" Erin yelled, jumping back in her chair and sending her glass of water smashing to the ground.

"What? What is it? What's wrong?" Jay called, flying around his desk to get to her. The rest of the team were also on their feet and ready to slay whatever unseen dragon threatened their girl.

Erin sat back in her chair, face pale, hands splayed across her stomach.

"What's wrong? Are you in pain? What is it?" Jay demanded.

"I think I just felt the baby kick," Erin announced, astonished.

The boys exchanged baffled glances while Hank leaned against the door frame of his office, his concern morphing to a bemused smile. Al caught his eye and the two men shared a knowing look, both remembering the first time they'd felt their own child's first kick.

Although Jay's mind processed the words he couldn't get his heart to slow. He stood rooted in spot beside her desk staring at her hands as the explored her half moon belly. She jumped slightly.

"There it was again! Jay!" She exclaimed reaching out to pull him down. "You have to fee this!" Erin positioned Jay's hand under hers and stared expectantly at him. Nothing happened. "Just wait," she said. "See? Did you feel that?" She asked excitedly.

He had. Erin's tummy thumped gently under his palm another two times. Jay stared at her in awe, having lost the ability to form words. His heart that had just about stopped then raced away from fright moments ago now swelled and ached with a longing to meet and hold his baby.

"Did you feel him?" Erin asked again.

"Her," Jay corrected, as he nodded yes.

Erin just rolled her eyes at him. They'd been having this pseudo argument since the day they found out about the baby, each one convinced of the baby's gender.

Three weeks later Erin wanted to sob at the look on Jay's face when their ultrasound technician confirmed it was in fact a boy. The appointment has started out well, both excited to see how their baby had grown and changed in the weeks since their last ultrasound. They'd ooh and awed over the images of the tiny feet and hands that were forming. The sound of a strong heartbeat eased some of the anxiety they were assured all new parents felt. Then things went south when they'd convinced the technician to break protocol and tell them the gender of the baby, rather than wait another week for the results to be delivered to Erin's doctor.

Erin had been so thrilled to hear it was a boy, just because she wanted to win their little debate, but truthfully she just prayed the baby would be healthy given the injuries she'd sustained back when she discovered she was pregnant and her history of drug use. But when she looked up at Jay to rub in her victory, her face fell. He looked deflated. He'd tried to recover and gave her an attempt at a smile but he was horrible at masking his true feelings.

They'd finished the appointment and Erin dressed quickly. The car ride to the district had been silent, Erin not understanding why the gender of their baby drew such a reaction from Jay. He'd been so happy until now about the pregnancy, enduring all her mood swings and happily running out to fulfill whatever crazy food craving she had. Hell he even had the spare bedroom painted and ready for the baby furniture Erin couldn't make up her mind about yet.

By the time they got home that night Erin couldn't take the silence any longer.

"Babe, please talk to me," she encouraged.

"About what?" He asked, off handedly.

"How upset you are about the baby," she confronted him gently.

"I'm not upset babe, the baby's doing great, you heard the tech. Everything's perfect in there." He lied.

"Jay please don't lie. I know your disappointed it's a boy," she said trying to keep her emotions in check. God she hates how easily they took over these days.

"I'm not..." Jay began.

"You are. I saw the look on your face. I don't understand Jay. What does it matter?" She asked again.

Jay let out a long breath and ran his hands across his forehead. He didn't know how to put his thoughts into words.

"What if I turn out like him?" His voice filled with anguish.

"Who?"

"My dad? What if I set expectations he can't meet or make him feel like he's not good enough? What if I don't see when he's hurting and just needs someone to talk to? What if he needs to know I'm in his corner and I'm too busy with work to notice?" He asked helplessly.

"Jay you are not your dad. You would never let a child feel like that, any child let alone ours," Erin countered. But Jay shook his head at her in disbelief. "Look at all the kids you've helped since I've known you. Ethan, Ellie, they are both doing amazing now because of you. What did Ellie say to us at her college graduation? She was taking a job in Washington with that child advocacy group. She wants to help change the system. She made it because of you. Because you made sure she felt heard, valued, safe. If you can do that for a couple strangers I've no doubt you'll do whatever it takes to make our son feel loved and valued." Erin said, rubbing her hand over his back.

He's smiled at her then. She always knew what to say to him. She always knew how to sooth his wounds with reason and empathy. They'd curled up on the couch and watched tv with their fingers laced over her belly until Erin couldn't keep her eyes open. Jay scooped her in his arms, despite her half hearted protest, and took her to bed. That night he slept with his arm laying protectively over her belly and swore he'd do better than his father did.

At seven and a half months pregnant Erin was fresh out of reason and empathy and Voight swore if she didn't stay behind her desk until the baby came he'd force her onto leave early.

She'd just about ended up being charged with homicide earlier that day when she launched herself, volleyball sized belly and all, across the table at a suspect in the interrogation room. Her mood had become more aggressive recently to match the influx of male hormones taking up ever more space in her womb.

At her banishment from anything she'd considered real police work Erin began to pout and was snippy with everyone. The boys were beginning to joke behind her back that what Erin needed was an exorcist not a obgyn to get that baby out of her.

Jay pleaded with Voight to let him take Erin away on a long weekend. Before getting pregnant she'd talked about how she always wanting to go to Mardi Gras in New Orleans. Jay still felt bad Erin hadn't been able to fulfill the wish list she created pre pregnancy and he wanted her to do something special before their world got turned upside down. Besides a little time away as a couple sounded good to him too.

He'd called her doctor on the sly and was told there were no concerns with Erin flying. Once he had the okay from Voight, Jay booked the trip.

Erin had been excited to get away. They both welcomed the relative warmth of New Orleans in contrast to Chicagos cold. They overindulged on local cuisine and explored the city. With her growing belly Erin found she tired easily walking long distances and her back began to throb midway through the weekend. She had also become slightly anxious in the large crowds of people, walking with arms subconscious covering her baby bump.

She could have cried tears of joy when she found out Jay had arranged a prenatal massage through their hotel that afternoon and managed to find them a terrace seat in a restaurant where they could watch the parade go by below. Once they'd finished eating Jay slid his chair around and lifted Erin's legs onto his lap. He absentminded rubbed her feet while they enjoyed the music and dancing of the revellers below.

They finished their weekend away with a steamboat cruise on the Mississippi. They teased and bantered all afternoon on the water.

"Thank you," Erin whispered in Jay's ear on the flight home. "Just when I think I couldn't get luckier you go and surprise me with more," she smiled lovingly at him.

Jay returned her smile. "I am pretty great aren't I," he laughed. Erin smacked him playfully and laughed with him. "You're welcome," he said sobering. "It makes me happy to see you happy. You deserve that."

Instead of responding Erin leaned into him and placed her lips on his. The constant spark they shared lit and, forgetting the other passengers on the plane, they deepened the kiss. Several minutes later Erin pulled away abruptly.

"What's wrong," Jay asked, coming back to reality.

"I apparently need to pee, again," she said apologetically.

Jay laughed and helped Erin to her feet.

Two weeks later Erin was wishing there was a bathroom in the convenience store she stopped at on her way home from work. She'd had to go before she stopped but was desperate for Oreos and figured her bladder would survive a quick stop to pick some up.

It would be the last time she'd ever crave an Oreo.


	3. Part Three The Baby Arrives

Needing to get home and to the bathroom, Erin grabbed two packages of Oreos and headed for the cash. As she turned out of the isle, a display of potato chips crashed down in front of her, making her jump back, and a small boy let out an ear piercing scream.

"But I want them!" He wailed. His mother stood looking exasperated. She glanced up at Erin, giving her an apologetic smile. Erin offered a sympathetic one back.

"Enjoy that," the woman said nodding towards Erin's belly. "It all goes downhill from there," she said, laughing subduedly and gesturing at her child in the throws of an all out tantrum.

Erin gave a half smile. She watched as the mother pretended to ignore the tantrum and wondered how she had the patience to stand their and wait it out. It was clear she wasn't going to give in to her son's demands. Erin admired her. As a cop, Erin's first instinct wasn't to stand around patiently while the child got tired of throwing a fit to get its way. She looked down at her belly. It would only be five short weeks before her little bean would be here. Erin hoped when she gave birth to the child she also magically birthed some good parenting skills because watching the little boy kick and scream made her feel overwhelmed and very unprepared.

Shanking her head, Erin continued up the centre of the isles to the cash. The door to the store chimed as someone walked through and Erin glanced up to see who was entering. She stopped in her tracks at the sight of a hooded, masked male approaching the cash with a gun in his hand. Erin ducked into the nearest isle, out of sight, fishing in her bag for her phone and gun. She quietly called for help then peaked around the corner. The gun man and clerk were arguing. The clerk refused to meet the gun mans demands to hand over his cash.

Remembering the mother and child in the store, Erin poked her head out and looked back towards where she had left them. She could see the mother's foot sticking out from behind another display and heard muffled whimpering from the child, like his mother was covering his mouth. Erin was relieved they'd been able to duck out of sight.

She looked back towards the store front where the exchange was escalating quickly. Erin knew she had a decent shot at the gunman if she stood fully in the isle. She was worried about exposing her baby to danger though, any other time she wouldn't have thought twice about putting herself in harms way to protect someone. She prayed backup arrived quickly as she weighed her options and the risks to the clerk, herself and the other customers.

"I want chips!" The boy yelled, startling Erin. She turned to shush him but it was too late, he came running forward, crying. Everything happened at once as Erin saw the gunman turn and point his weapon at the boy. She jumped to her feet and raised her weapon.

"Chicago PD," she began to yell but he was already firing. Three loud shots echoed through the stored, Erin returned fire, her three shots cracking like thunder, as searing pain ripped through her thigh causing her to stumble. She recovered, adrenaline of the situation blocking out the pain, trained her weapon back on the gunmen, and held her breath as she watched him fall to the ground lifeless, one of her shots having penetrated his skill.

She turned to check on the child. He lay face down on the sticky tile floor.

"Call an ambulance," she screamed at the clerk, as she quickly secured the gun man's weapon and raced towards the child.

Gently she rolled the boy onto his back and gasped. The shot pierced the right side of his belly and he was bleeding heavily. His mother came rushing forward and at the sight of him she wailed, dropping to her knees at his side.

"Help him," she begged.

Erin begain checking his vitals. He was still breathing. "What's his name?" Erin barked franticly at the boy's mother.

"Aamir," she said through sobs.

"Aamir!" Erin called, "can you hear me buddy. You're gonna be okay," she tried to reassure him, as she pressed her hands over his wound. Blood seeped between her fingers. The boy lay motionless. "I need something to apply pressure to the wound, he's gonna bleed out," Erin barked again.

Quickly, Aamir's mother removed her scarf "will this do?" she asked shakily.

Erin nodded, took the garment from her, folded it and used it to apply pressure to Amir's belly.

"Please let him be okay, please let him be okay," the mother cried quietly as she stoked her child's hair.

Erin checked for a heart beat again but got nothing. He was no longer breathing either. Cruising, she repositioned herself over the boy. "Put your hands here, and press hard," Erin told Amir's mother. She nodded and moved to cover her son's wounds, watching through tears as Erin began CPR on her son.

The sound of sirens drew Erin's eyes to the front door. "The ambulance is almost here," she breathed to his mother, the exertion of preforming so many chest compressions winding her.

Within moments two ambulance attendants burst through the door. Erin filled them in best she could as they positioned themselves to take over for Erin and the boy's mother. Erin pushed herself to a stand once she was no longer needed and turned to offer the mother some encouragement but the store began spinning and everything went dark.

Erin woke to a pounding headache. As her eyes gained focused she looked around, trying to get her bearings. Realizing she was in a hospital her eyes fell on Jay. He seemed tired and years older than he did when she left him at work, making Erin wonder how much time had passed since then.

"Hey beautiful," Jay whispered, leaning forward.

"Hey, you look awful," she said horsily.

"You had me a bit worried for a few minutes," Jay shrugged his explanation, playing off how scared he'd been. "Do you remember what happened?" Jay asked softly.

Erin racked her brian trying to remember why she was in the hospital. Her heart rate jumped up when the store robbery flashed through her head.

"The little boy, Amir, is he?"

"In recovery. He's still in critical condition but they're optimistic," Jay reassured her with a sad smile.

Erin blew out a breath, relieved.

"Why am I here?" Erin asked, confused. The memory of searing pain in her thigh surfaced and her hands flew down her body but everything felt wrong. Franticly she looked down trying to comprehend why her belly felt like a deflated ballon and why she had no sensation below her waist. Her eyes fraught with distress Erin looked to Jay for answers. "The baby! Where, where's our baby," she croaked out.

Jay stood and sat on Erin's bed, taking her hands in his. "He's okay," he said firmly, trying to calm her.

"Where is he?"

"NICU. He.." Jay began.

"What! No it's too early! Why? What's wrong? How," Erin's voice pitched high with worry.

"Shh," Jay tried to soothe her.

"Don't shh me! They took our baby! It's too soon. He's not supposed to come yet! Where is he I need to see him?" Erin screeched as she tried to climb from the bed.

Jay held her firm. "Erin you can't. You're in no condition to move. I promise he's doing okay," Jay tried again to lower her anxiety.

"Have you seen him?"

"Yes," Jay smiled sadly at her.

Erin shook her head trying to comprehend how all this had happened.

"Erin I know you're anxious to see him, and you will very soon."

"Tell me what happened."

Jay nodded. "You took a bullet to the thigh, lost a lot of blood. The adrenaline must have kicked in and helped you save that boy but you passed out when you stood up from blood loss. The trauma caused labour to kick in, the doctors explained why but honestly I was too worried at that point to listen," Jay apologized. "Anyway they performed a c-section and patched up your leg. They took our baby to the NICU."

"And he's okay?"

"That's what they've told me. He's tiny Erin, so tiny. Doctor said that the last month of pregnancy is mostly just for the baby to gain weight. They said all his organs are functioning pretty well but they've got him on oxygen and fluids just to help him adjust. He's so tiny Erin," Jay said again.

Jay tried to be strong and not cause Erin any worry but the truth was he felt like he'd been hit by a train. The last few hours of his life had been hell, from getting the call that Erin had been shot to sitting in the waiting room with his brother waiting to hear if they both made it out of surgery, then to the shock of seeing his son lay tiny and helpless, wires and tubes everywhere. They'd repeatedly reassured him the machines and tubes were a precaution. They'd said that with some time to adjust to the shock of being born before he was ready he wouldn't need them and they made for a far more dramatic picture then was the case but Jay just couldn't wrap his head around how tiny he was. And they hadn't let him hold him. Said they needed to make sure all the test results were good first.

So Jay had stood watch over his son, feeling completely helpless, praying hard until the nurse had told him Erin was going to wake soon. As much as he didn't want to leave his boy, there was no way Erin could wake up alone and realize she wasn't pregnant anymore.

"I need to see him," Erin pleaded, tears shining in her eyes as she again tried to get out of bed.

"I know baby, I promise I'll take you as soon as the doctor says you can get out of bed but your body's been through a lot and you need to rest a bit more." He reasoned.

The tears streaming down her cheeks broke his heart. This wasn't supposed to be how it happened. They'd had a plan, had been to the prenatal classes, practiced their breathing, planned the route to the hospital and had the bag packed and ready to go. They'd talked about what it would be like giving birth and none of this was even remotely close to what they though would happen. It was hard enough for Jay to absorb, but at least he'd been able to set eyes on their child. He couldn't imagine what Erin was feeling. He leaned forward and gently cradled her in his arms. She lay her head against his chest trying to shut down the racing emotions.

"This wasn't how it was supposed to be," she whispered, sounding lost.

"I know," he said, softly rubbing long slow circles on her back.

A few painfully long hours later the doctor gave her the okay to visit the NICU. Will had come up to check on them and insisted he be the one to help move Erin.

Will began transferring her iv bag to the portable pole attached to a wheelchair and he and Jay lifted her into the chair. They wheeled her down to the NICU. After donning masks and washing their hands, Will manoeuvre Erin's chair in front of the baby's incubator. Will had given her a full description of the baby's condition to ease some of the shock before they entered the room, but it did nothing to prepare her for the shock of seeing her tiny baby.

At only three pounds two ounces, James Henry Halstead barely took up any room in his tiny glass enclosed bed. A splint was taped to his arm protecting the iv lines running fluids and antibiotics into his body. Tiny air tubes were taped to his face and feeding oxygen into his nose. White pads were taped to his chest monitoring his heart activity. Erin gulped back tears. She had imagined the moment she would meet her child over and over and this was never how it played out in her head.

Will lifted the tiny window opening at the side of James bed so Erin could reach in. Erin shakily placed her hand inside. Tentatively she reached for her son. As gently as she could she cradled his tiny pink fist and ran her thumb over his soft knuckles.

"Would you like to hold him?" the NICU doctor asked after explaining James condition to her.

"Can I?" Erin asked anxiously.

"Yes, for a few minutes. Some skin to skin time with his mama will be good for him. For both of you."

Erin looked up at Will and Jay for an answer. She hadn't been able to process most of what was happening yet. Both nodded.

"Ok," she whispered. "what do I do?" She asked apprehensively.

"Just get comfortable. We'll bring him to you," the doctor assured her.

Will brough Erin a pillow for her lap and Jay settled in a chair next to her. A nurse helped the doctor lift James out of his bed, carefully gathering all his wires and tubes. A second nurse helped Erin undo her gown and prepare a blanket to provide both modisty and warmth for her and the baby. Gently the nurse lay James against Erin's chest. He was so tiny her hand nearly covered all of him and she was afraid she might smother him.

James moved slightly, seeming to burrow into her more. Erin looked at the nurse for reassurance.

"It's the sound of your heart beat and breathing. It's all he's know these last eight months. It's familiar. Safe," The nurse assured her.

Jay reached over and gently brushed his fingers against the soft fuzzy that would soon be hair on James head. Erin and Jay's eyes met and held, a soft smile spreading across each of their faces. It was impossible to imagine their connect could become stronger but here, holding the life they'd created together, they felt their bond deepen.

After a few moments James began twisting his head and making fishy faces. Erin panicked, thinking she was some how hurting her tiny child. But again the nurse was right there to reassure her.

"He's rooting," the nurse said with wonder and looked up at the doctor.

"So he is," she said. "That's a great sign."

"I don't understand," Erin said.

"He's hungry and looking for his mama to feed him," the nurse smiled. "Would you like to give it a try."

"Umm..." Erin again looked at Jay for direction. Never in her life had she felt so incompetent. She felt so overwhelmed and out of her element. He nodded his encouragement. "If you think it's okay, yes," she said, looking back at the nurse. "But I don't know..."

"lt's okay we'll help you," the nurse assured her and helped Erin readjust her pillow and then scooped James up, carefully moving the wires and tubes, placing him against her breast. She coached Erin on how to hold him and get him to latch. With a little coaxing James began sucking. Warmth spread through Erin as a pulling sensation spread through her body and down to her belly. She closed her eyes at the sensation then opened them to gaze at her son.

Her son.

For the first time since meeting him Erin felt it. The connection she'd been scared wouldn't form for her. But she knew now. Knew what all the other mothers were talking about. Knew a love and bond so deep she wouldn't be able to breathe without this little man in her life.

He only managed to feed for a few moments but everyone seemed encouraged by it.

"We can try again in a little while if you want. It will be good for both of you," the nurse said lifting James from her arms. "Would daddy like to hold him for a minute?"

Jay's eyes grew wide. He was both excited and terrified at the idea of holding his son. James was so tiny and had so many wires attached to him. Jay was intimidated. Before he knew it the nurse was showing him how to hold James. Tiny round blue eyes blinked up at him. Jay stared, mesmerized, into his son's eyes. Eyes just like his. And then he felt Erin looking up at him, searching his eyes. He knew she remembered his fears about being a good father to their boy but now that he was here, Jay couldn't imagine ever having any doubt. He smiled warmly at her then placed gentle kisses on James head, letting the baby's scent fill his senses.

It took James weeks to gain enough weight and strength to satisfy the NICU team he was ready to go home. They'd been impressed with how quickly he'd progressed though. Although slow to get started, all his organs were now functioning well. Erin wasn't really surprised at the weight gain, seeing as all she seemed to do was feed her little man. Jay had joked one evening when James angrily demanded his dinner that he had Erin's appetite and sounded just like her when she was hungry. The remark earned Jay a bruised arm. He hadn't expected Erin to be able to hit that hard while gently cradling their boy against her breast.

The day they left, both Erin and Jay were nervous, though neither would admit it out loud. They'd been cocooned in the safety of the NICU for weeks, knowing that if any little thing went wrong doctors and nurses were there to help. But after today they'd be on their own. With Erin still recovering from a gun shot wound and a c-section, Jay made arrangement to take some furlough once James came home.

The weather had turned warmer in the weeks since James birth and the warm sunshine greeted them as they exited the hospital. Jay, carrying their bag, helped Erin hobble to the car while Will, who had come up to see them off when the signed James discharge papers, carried his nephew's baby carrier.

"So I'll stop by this evening after shift and check on everyone," Will offered having sensed how anxious they both were about making the transition home.

"That would be great," Erin said, hugging him goodbye.

Erin insisted on riding in the back next to James and she scarcely took her eyes off him the whole ride. Once settled in their home she sunk into the couch and lifted James out of his carrier, snuggling him close. Jay came to sit, sliding his arms around both of them and kissing both their heads.

"Welcome home little man," he whispered to the sleepy baby.

Later that night Jay rolled over in his sleep to snuggle behind Erin only to find the bed empty. He glanced sleepily at the clock 3:23am. Jay wondered where she'd gone. He was sure if James had woke crying for food Jay would have heard being such a light sleeper. Glancing towards the cradle he could just make out the small form of his son. Looking up he saw Erin had pulled the rocking chair they bought next to the cradle and she was sitting with her elbows propped on her knees and her chin in her hands, looking down at James.

"What's wrong," Jay asked quietly, becoming more alert.

"Nothing," Erin whispered back. "Go back to sleep," she encouraged.

Jay ignored her and climbed out of bed coming to crouch beside her so he could talk quietly without waking the baby. He laid his hand on her back, rubbing gently.

"How long have you been here?" He whispered.

Erin just shrugged. They had turned off the tv and headed to the bedroom when James woke for his 11pm feeding. After changing James Jay had passed him to Erin to feed and she'd told Jay to head to bed that she would be there in a few minutes.

"Have you even come to bed yet?" Jay asked.

"No," Erin admitted reluctantly.

They sat staring at their tiny boy sleeping peacefully.

"Talk to me Erin."

"I just," she began after a minute. "What if something happens while we're sleeping?"

"They wouldn't have let him come home if they had any concerns," he tried to reassure her and himself too if he was being honest.

"I know, but," she trailer off. She couldn't put her anxiety into words. Saying it out loud would make it more real.

"Hey," Jay soothed. "You need to sleep baby. You won't heal without rest."

"I can't. I just, I need to be here. I can't risk it," she sounded so stressed.

Jay sighed. He understood her fears. James had entered the world in a dramatic way. And Erin had been through hell physically too. Couple that with some postpartum depression, being isolated in the hospital for weeks and all the hormone changes going on in her body and Erin was an emotional ball of anxiety. It didn't help that James still looked so tiny and helpless, especially when asleep but the way he'd already grown so quickly, the way he was so vocal about his needs, Jay knew James was every bit as strong as his mother.

"How about if I sit with him for a bit and you go lay down?" He offered.

Erin shook her head, "that's not fair to you."

"I've already slept longer tonight then I do half the time we're working. You go lay down until his next feeding and I'll stay here." Jay persuaded.

Erin tilted her head, considering it.

"Please Erin. You need to try and rest for a bit." Jay begged.

Reluctantly Erin rose from the chair. Jay stood and kissed her gently before pulling her into a soothing hug. She climbed into bed and Jay pulled the covers up over her before bending to kiss her again. He could still feel how tense she was with anxiety so he sat on the edge of the bed and began massaging her head gently.

"What are you doing?" Erin asked softly.

"Don't worry, I can see him just fine from here." He reassured her.

He felt Erin sigh softly and hum. "That does feel good," she said sleepily.

Within a few minutes her breathing relaxed as she drifted to sleep. Jay rose carefully and went to get comfortable in the rocking chair. He smiled as he watched James chest rise and fall. Occasionally the baby's expression changing into tiny smiles. Jay couldn't get over how easily he'd grown to love James. Staring down at his dreaming boy he couldn't imagine not wanting to be apart of everything James would do.

It was a few more nights of waking to Erin sitting watch over James before Erin finally came and slept beside Jay again, although she seemed to wake to every little noise James made in his sleep. Thankfully with Jay home it meant she could rest and they took turns napping during the day when needed.

The one upside to spending all those weeks in the hospital with James was all the support and guidance they nursing staff gave them. Erin was so thankful for this because it meant Jay felt confident handling their still tiny boy, allowing her to stay off her leg. Erin would lay on the bed smiling and listening as Jay cooed at James during bath time. Sometimes she'd sneak into the bathroom doorway and take a video with her phone. But her favourite was when Jay changed James' diapers. James didn't particularly enjoy diaper change time. Jay would tell James funny stories in cute voices to distract the disgruntled baby. She'd manage to catch a couple of these with her phone on the sly. Jay would probably kill her if he knew she'd been videoing him but she couldn't help it. She wanted to preserve the cute memories of the two people she loved most in the world.

She was relieved Jay had been able to get past his fear that he wouldn't be a good father to a boy. It was obvious how much he adored their son and he was a natural at being a dad. Erin still had so many of her own doubts but she was trying not to let them overwhelm her.

A few weeks later Erin finally caved and admitted she needed a break. Jay talked her into an evening out with her girlfriends before his furlough ended and his schedule became unpredictable. She agreed and Jay invited Will to come over and watch a hockey game.

When Will arrived he handed Erin a gift.

"What's this?" She asked confused.

"Something to mark the occasion." Will smiled proudly.

"Occasion?" What was Will up to now, she though.

"Yeah JT's first boys night," he said, scooping the now awake James out of his swing. Will rocked and cooed to his nephew while he paced around the living room. He didn't catch the amused smiles Jay and Erin exchanged watching Will with their son.

"Open it up mama, James wants to see what his favourite uncle brought him!" Will exclaimed.

Erin sat down and unwrapped the package. A broad smile crossed her face when she lifted the lid on the gift box.

"Will," she laughs admiring how cute the contents were. "Jay look," Erin laughed, lifting the tiny Blackhawks jersey and turning it for Jay to see.

That's when she notices the stictching across the back.

"You personalized it," she laughed, admiring her son's name on the jersey.

"Of course," Will replied.

Erin carefully set the tiny jersey to the side and unwrapped the tissue to surrounding the next gift. Again she smiled wide as she lifted the tiny Bulls jersey, also personalized with James name on the back.

"Will these are amazing." Jay laughed taking the jersey from Erin to admire.

"Got to start my main man off right," Will said with pride.

Erin's brow furrowed as she unwrapped the next layer of tissue. "What is this? Will how could you bring this into my house!" she exclaimed in mock horror, holding up a Sox jersey.

"Don't listen to her JT, she's a Cubs fan. Everyone knows the Halstead's are Sox fans." Will informed his nephew. James gurgled and squirmed. "There you go! That's my boy!" Will prased him.

"Why do you call him that?" Erin laughed.

Will shrugged. "Why not?" He said as if it was perfectly reasonable.

Erin shook her head in amusement. She supposed there were a lot worse nicknames to end up with. But she was going to have to do something about this Sox jersey.

"He's half Lindsay you know. And at least the Cubs have won the World Series this decade." She goaded Will.

"Jay help me out here. Tell me you're not gonna let her turn your firstborn son, my first nephew, into a Cubs fan!" Will moaned. "Talk some sense into your woman."

Jay's laughed and threw his hands up. "I gave up on that battle long ago." Erin glared at him. Sensing being banished from his bed for the unforeseen future Jay backtracked. "How bout this, we'll get him a Cubs one too. That way he can wear the Sox one when they play and the Cubs one when they play?" he offered as a peace offering.

Erin considered his offer. "Deal, but he doesn't wear the Sox jersey out of the house," she threatened, pointing a finger at Jay.

Jay nodded but refused to give her a verbal commitment. He quickly got up to get a drink before she realized what he'd done.

"House husband," Will mumbled as Jay walked past.

Jay glared at him. "You're lucky you're holding my boy right now Red." Jay shot back, calling Will by the nickname he loathed.

After feeding James Erin slipped out. She thought she'd have a harder time leaving James, and maybe she would have if he'd been left with anyone else, but Erin knew he'd be pampered all evening.

She wasn't wrong. Jay and Will passed James back and forth between them all evening taking turns letting him sleep against them or walking and bouncing him when he was fussy. Not once did he get put down in his swing or bed. They'd explained to James how hockey was played and who the good players were and all the things the Hawks were doing wrong as they fell behind early in the first period. James looked up at them wide eyed while they talked. Then he kicked and wiggled with excitement when Jay and Will celebrated the Hawks eventual win.

"Well JT looks like you're good luck!" Will exclaimed tickling his belly. "We'll have to watch all the games with you!"

Jay smiled and shook his head. He wouldn't believe Will cuddling and fussing over a baby if he didn't see if for himself.

Will left shortly after Erin returned. She'd barely kissed Jay hello before scooping James out of his arms and taking him to nurse.

"You have fun?" Jay asked coming to check on them. "You ran in here like the world was gonna end if you didn't get to him," Jay said, half amused. He was worried she'd spent the whole night worrying about the baby and not relax, although she'd surprisingly only texted twice to check up on them.

"I did, but I should have brought the pump," she laughed shyly.

Jay chuckled. How completely their lives had changed from grabbing beers at Molly's after shift and sleeping off hangovers to discussing the contents of diapers, finding nursing pads stuck to his track pants as he pulled them out of the dryer and pacing the floor humming lullabies to soothe a cranky baby. He had no desire to give any of these changes up.

When she was done feeding James she got them both ready for bed and came out to the living room to find Jay watching tv. He reached up to take James from her and lay the baby on his chest. Erin snuggled into Jay's side, pulled a blanket over them and laced her fingers through Jay's, forming a cocoon around their son. Jay's free hand came to rest on her back, his fingers drawing soft patters on her skin where her top had ridden up. Erin watched James sleep against his father, enchanted. It was hard to believe this was her life now, but she was so content with it.

"Thank you," she whispered eventually, smiling up at Jay.

"For what," he asked, kissing her forehead.

"For this." She said squeezing his fingers and nodding down at James. "For giving our little bean a home filled with love. For giving me a real family."

/

Hope you enjoyed this little piece of baby fluff. I've had a few requests to extend it further, writing scenes of James growing up, but I'm not sure how many of you would really like to read that? Feedback, as usual, is always welcome and much appreciated.


	4. Part Four: How Fast They Grow

Finally! I started this chapter ages ago and it's taken forever, and I'm not sure how many are still interested in reading it but here's the conclusion to this fluffy little story. Make no mistake, this is pure fluff and probably more predictable and cheesy than I usually write but my muse wanted her happily ever after. I hope you enjoy and it somehow makes up for, or at least eases the pain of last weeks news. Xoxo

/

"No!"

"JT," Jay warned

"Daddy, No!" James said again, raising his head and sticking out his chin.

Jay sighed. How Erin got through this without a fight he didn't know but every time Jay was on his own with their two year old son at bedtime it was the same deal. James refused to cooperate.

"James, its bedtime. Let's just get our pjs on okay?"

"NO! No bedtime!" James scream at Jay, slammed down the truck he'd been playing with and threw himself on the floor in a fit. Jay ran his fingers though his hair. Hair he felt like he was loosing by the minute.

He hated when James got like this. Erin said he had Jay's temper and that scared the shit out of Jay. He knew what kind of trouble his temper had got him into over the years, especially his teenage years. He shook his head, reminiscing wasn't gonna get his toddler off the floor. He wished Erin wasn't running late from work, she was the only one who could calm him down when he got like this. As soon as she put her hands on James, saying his name in a soothing tone, his whole body relaxed and he'd quiet right down. But she wasn't here and Jay had to get through this on his own.

Most days James was a happy go lucky energetic boy who loved to laugh and act silly with his dad. Erin often joked Jay was James favourite toy. Jay loved nothing more than to spend a Saturday morning playing on the floor with his son. Erin would snuggle in the couch behind them watching and laughing at them until they pulled her down and attacked her with tickles. Jay couldn't think of anything more beautiful then the sight of Erin and James faces flushed from laughter. But tonight James expression was all sour.

Jay sat on the floor near James and called his name softly but his voice didn't seem to penetrate James tantrum. Jay tried again, a little louder and reached out to touch his son. The contact startled James and Jay barely had time to duck before James plucked the discarded truck up and fired it at his father's head.

"Oh I don't think so," came a stern but raspy voice from behind Jay. James body stilled, his scream died on his lips, his eyes went big. Jay even froze in surprise at her arrival, the commanding tone in her voice had even him feeling like he should be making his way to the time out chair. Where the hell had she come from? "We do NOT throw our toys!" Erin exclaimed.

James ducked his head and Jay risked looking over his shoulder. Erin stood, face devoid of emotion, hand on hip, eyes glaring down at them. A look that terrified suspects in the interrogation room.

"Hey," Jay croaked, "I didn't hear you come in."

"I'm pretty sure you wouldn't have heard a 747 landing over that racket," she retorted sarcastically. "Let me guess, you told him it was bedtime?"

Jay nodded and James risked peaking up at his parents. Erin worked hard to keep her stern expression at the sight of sad blues eyes peaking up at her beneath the stray curls that hung a little too long across his forehead. Jay had begged her to cut James hair repeatedly but she just couldn't bring herself to get rid of the soft ringlets of caramel hair that covered James head. She wasn't ready for her baby boy to have a big kid hair cut.

"Sorry daddy," James whispered. Jay couldn't help but feel pride that the little guy already knew how to atone for his transgressions without prompting. Of course it didn't hurt that he was completely adorable while he repented.

"Thanks buddy," Jay responded.

"Now it's time for bed," Erin added. "If you hurry we'll have time for an extra story."

James eyes lit up and he scampered down the hall to his room. Jay let out a breath and pulled himself to his feet.

"I think I'm screwed," he said on a sigh to Erin. She tilted her head in question. "I can't even get a two year old to go to bed, how the hell am I gonna cope with what comes next!"

Erin smiled sympatheticly. "You're a great dad Jay, you'll be fine."

It was Erin who wasn't fine on James first day of school. A wicked case of working mom's guilt took hold as she realized her baby had been replaced by a little man and gone were the days of snuggling up in mommy's arms. She felt like she'd missed so much already and it was just flying by. He'd scarcely kissed her as he flew into the yard to meet new friends to play with.

Their lives became busier, filled with play dates and extracurricular activities. James was fearless and confident like his father and loved to try new things. Soccer and hockey were among his favourite sports to play and Jay made sure to be as involved as possible, helping coach his teams. He always chuckled to himself whenever he saw Erin sitting with the other parents in the stands talking and cheering. He often tease her she'd morphed into a soccer mom and if the perps could see her like this they'd laugh instead of hide when they saw her coming. The comment usually earned him a glare and an hour or so of the silent treatment.

But Erin still worried out loud from time to time if she was a good mom, the scars of her upbringing deep. Jay just reminded her that Bunny had never bothered to enroll her in extracurricular activities let alone cheer louder than any other parent in the arena or stay up till three am after getting punched in the stomach by a perp to bake twelve dozen cookies for a team fundraiser. But he did understand her doubts. He had his own still. It's why he always made sure to spend time each day talking to James and encouraging him. He didn't want his son to know a moment of self doubt or think his father wasn't proud of him. His need to be involved in his son's life meant he was often the dad who chauffeured James and his friends to their various activities and hosted those friends for frequent sleepovers that involved far too little sleep and far too many fart jokes.

Those friends almost lost their lives at Erin's hands when James was in the third grade. They'd dared James he couldn't climb to the roof of the condemned house behind the school yard and typical of her daredevil of a son he'd scampered up fearlessly. But he hadn't thought out how he'd get down or how weak the roof structure was and now here she was sitting in an exam room at Med watching while Uncle Will took X-rays.

Yup, She was gonna kill those boys for egging James on. The phone call she'd got from the school, that they were transporting James via ambulance to the hospital, nearly made her heart stop.

"You know your dad broke his arm when he was about your age." Will reminisced with a smile. Erin wanted to throw something at him. There was nothing amusing about her baby being broken.

"He did?" James asked through gritted teeth, trying to not show how much pain he was in.

"Yup, doing skate board tricks," Will laughed.

"Dad rode a skateboard?" James asked, impressed.

"Sure did, was pretty good too, you should get him to show you some of his tricks... ooww!" Will grimaced at the impact of Erin's foot to his shin, the death glare she shot him spoke loud and clear, no way was anyone showing her son any more things that could land them back here.

But in the sixth grade that's exactly where they went to get the cut above his eye stitched up, well after spending a good hour in the principals office trying to argue their way out of James suspension. But Erin's rank as Sargent of CPD Intelligence had no pull with their no tolerance policy. It didn't matter to the school that James had only hit the boys after he came across them beating and taunting a younger student. James was a true Halstead and couldn't stand by and watch as someone was bullied and victimized. So he'd pulled the two seventh graders off the boy and when they swung at him, he swung back. It wasn't really his fault that he packed the Lindsay punch. Erin and Jay had always been clear with James that if he ever threw the first punch or bullied someone he'd catch hell but she had a difficult time punishing her son for standing up for others.

"Hey," Jay said, sliding the exam door open. "How's it looking?" Erin looked up and for a moment she forgot her anger with the school as she took in the sight of his freshly pressed white shirt. He'd only been wearing his commander uniform for a week now and the sight of it still made her tummy flutter.

"Four stitches oughta do it," Will announced pulling off his gloves.

"Thank you," Erin said. "I know this isn't really part of your job description anymore."

"What's the point in being director or emergency services if I can't pick and choose what patients I want to work on," Will laughed.

"What the school say?" Jay asked as he took in the sight of James face. Erin's looked annoyed at the mention of the school.

"They suspended me. But dad I swear I was only defending that kid. I even waited for them to hit me before I hit back. That's how I got this," James explained, trying to minimize the trouble he was in.

Jay nodded. He too was proud of his son for sticking up for others but he wasn't too pleased with his boy coming to blows with other kids.

"And the other boys?" Jay asked Erin.

"Expelled," she said flatly. The little shits deserved it. "But not before they threatened to come after James."

"Mom, it's not a big deal. Please don't make a big deal out of it." James pleaded.

"Not a big deal!" Erin exclaimed. "They threatened you James. I can't just let that go," she countered.

Jay sympathized with James. At his age having an over protective mom, one who was a formative cop, could be embarrassing but Jay shared Erin's worry on this one. Sometimes being the son of a cop made you a target and although they made sure James knew how to defend and stand up for himself, he couldn't fend of a group of older boys by himself.

James began arguing back with Erin and Jay cut him off. "Alright," Jay said playing referee between the two, something he'd found himself doing often with them these days. The two loves of his life were also the most stubborn people he'd ever met. "We'll talk about that a bit later. How long you suspended for?"

"Rest of the week," James said, ducking his head as was his habit when he got in trouble.

"I already talked to Hank," Erin said. "He's putting a new deck on the back of the house, said he could use the extra hands."

Jay nodded his approval. Not only would Voight keep James out of trouble but if those boys did make good on their threat there was no where he'd be safer then with Voight, even if he was retired.

James head shot up, "I have to spend my suspension with Papa?"

"Well we both have to work and I'm not leaving you home alone all day," Erin explained.

"But he hates electronics. I'll get like no video game time or anything," he whined. Erin and Jay shard a smile. That was kind of the point, because proud of their son or not, he did have a suspension to serve out. James pouted and fell into a moody silence realizing the week of hard work he was in for. He may have been a hero today but clearly their twelve year old was completely normal in every other way.

There was nothing normal about the amount of time James began spending in his room three years later. Their confident outgoing chatter box of a son started coming home from school and vanishing to his room all evening, emerging only long enough to inhale his dinner and give a few grunts and mumbles when asked about his day. Jay started to get really worried. He recalled how, at James age, he had been picked on and bullied. His relationship with his father hit an all time low with Pat refusing to even acknowledge Jay's presence. Jay and Erin had more than a few worried conversations about how to get James to start opening up to them again. They were becoming increasingly worried something bad was happening to him.

But it turned out he wasn't being bullied. James had a broken heart. Erin came home late one night, having spent the last twenty hours coordinating the take down of a militant group who'd threatened to blow up half the city. She was exhausted and shuffled her way down the hall to bed. As she passed James' door a noise caught her attention and she paused. Her heart constricted when she realized James was crying. Gently she knocked before letting herself in. James lay in bed in the dark trying to swipe away the tears before Erin could see. It took her a few minutes, James too embarrassed to tell her what had him so upset, but once he started talking the whole story came out. Jay found them almost an hour later, Erin sat back on the bed, James with his head in her lap. She stroked her fingers though her broken hearted sons hair feeling powerless to protect him from the pain.

"I'm gonna kill her," Erin gritted out the next morning when she and Jay were alone in the kitchen.

"Erin," Jay exclaimed surprised at the her venom.

"She hurt our son Jay," Erin argued defensively, challenging Jay to argue with her.

"They're just kids Erin. It's part of growing up. He'll get over it. I did," Jay said trying to rationalize with her.

"You've never mentioned getting your heart broken," Erin replied.

Jay could see the tinge of jealousy on Erin's face, the look she got whenever another woman showed interest in him. He smiled at her and cupped her cheek. It amused him that after all this time he still had to occasionally remind her only had eyes for her.

"I did, but it was the best thing that ever happened because I ended up with the most incredible woman in the end," he said kissing her lips softly. "Stacey McLloyd has nothing on you when it comes to making coffee," he teased, eyes shining with mischief.

Erin gasped and smacked Jay's chest, pushing him off of her. He chuckled hardily as she threatened to make him sleep on the couch for his cheeky remarks. They both knew her threats were empty and that after twenty years together the only way either of them could sleep was when Jay was her human body pillow.

She wanted to wrap her car in pillows a year later when she and Jay taught James to drive. Her little bean had grown into a charming, athletic, bright young man, a massive growth spurt this last year filling out his features, deepening his voice and having him tease Jay about how he was finally taller than his old man. Jay pouted being referred to as old but Erin would soothe his bruised ego, assuring him he was still the incredibly hot man she'd fallen in love with.

There were plenty of girls trying to get James attention now and he was desperate to gain some more independence, wanting to use the money he'd been saving from his part time job to buy a car and "go on proper dates." Erin didn't want to think about what sixteen year old boys with cars did when they took girls on dates but she and Jay had been very forthright in their approach to dealing with matters of STDs, drugs and consent. She trusted her son to have good judgement and unlike most of his peers, he still seemed to talk to them about most things.

So here she was wondering if she'd end the day with whip lash and getting a quote from a body shop to fix the damage she feared James was about to inflict on her car. She was proud her son had inherited Jay's sense of humour, consciousness, good looks and confidence, but damn did she wish he didn't drive like a Halstead.

Six months later James had her and half the uniforms under Erin's command driving around the city looking for his best friend. She would probably catch hell from the chief, using her rank as commander for personal gain, but James had a gut feeling Mikayla was in trouble and if James had inherited anything from Erin, it was his instincts when it came to people.

James had befriended the quiet girl in eighth grade after watching the girls in his class shun her for being different. He started asking Erin if he could take extra food in his lunch because Mikayla never seemed to bring anything. After a couple weeks James had managed to coax her story out of her and it played on Erin's heart strings.

She lived with her dad who divided his time between his blue collar job and the local pub, often leaving the young girl to fend for herself. James started bringing Miki home from school a few times a week for dinner and she became a fixture in the Halstead household. At first Jay and Erin thought James had romantic feelings for the girl but it quickly became evident their connection was platonic.

Erin found subtle ways of making sure Miki's basic needs were being met, since her father didn't seem to notice his maturing daughter had any, going so far as to sneak hygiene products into her backpack and buying her "gifts" of clothes and other essentials for just about every holiday on the American calendar. She knew how belittling it felt to have hand outs at that age so she was careful how she tended to Miki's needs and she knew that despite the less than ideal home life it would destroy Miki's world if they reported her father for neglect. So they kept a close eye on her and Jay turned up at her father's watering hole every so often to make sure Miki's drunken paternal figure remembered his familial responsibility and what would happen to him if Jay ever found out Miki got hurt in any way.

She'd become a pseudo member of the family and the Halsteads thought nothing of including her in their plans. She was always polite and sweet when she came around, grateful for the feeling of acceptance and safety they gave her.

But lately she'd been turning up less and James had been concerned she was missing too much school and not returning his texts with the same speed or enthusiasm. He'd finally confronted her two nights ago and she broke down crying, confessing she was pregnant and the babies father had rejected her. She was confused, not knowing what the best option was for her and scared of what her father would do when he found out. James had begged her to come home with him and talk to his parents, knowing they could help her figure out her options and keep her safe. But despite James assurance they wouldn't judge her, Miki refused.

She'd said some pretty nasty things to James hoping to push him out of her life. James hadn't bought her words as much as they had hurt. And after repeatedly trying to reach her for two days he went by her apartment only to find there was no sign of her or her father there and the place looked like it had been trashed. He immediately called his mom, his dad being on a fishing trip with his Uncle Will. It was often a burden growing up in a family of cops but there were certain advantages and having your mom issue and amber alert, on nothing but your word, for your missing best friend was definitely an advantage.

It took them two hours but they'd found them. Miki's dad had gone crazy with rage when he found out she was pregnant. He'd tossed her around the apartment before dragging her down to the deserted factory he'd lost his job from when it closed a month ago to make her pay for her sins. She was in rough shape, suffering broken ribs and bruising everywhere and been rushed to the hospital. Erin had taken great pleasure in personally being the one to slam the drunk bastard up against the wall and cuff him. She handed him off to Atwater knowing he and his team in Intelligence would make sure Miki's father would go away for a long time.

After a week in the hospital Miki was released and thankfully Erin persuaded her into staying with them, at least until she finished school and could support her child on her own. Miki couldn't understand why Erin and Jay would be so willing to take her in. It wasn't until Erin confided to Miki her own story that she agreed to stay with them. Jay found Erin crying quietly on the back porch that night, after getting off the phone from a call to Hank. He wrapped his arms around her, always wanting to fix things for her when she was hurting, and kissed her tears away as she marvelled at how much her life had changed, how proud she was of their son and how full circle the moment felt.

It had been a huge change having a baby in the house again but two years later Jay and Erin sat proudly with Miki's little Lindsay between them as they watched first James then Miki cross the stage and receive their high school diplomas. As hard as she cheered and clapped Erin couldn't suppress the feeling of melancholy knowing that in the fall her son would be off to Harvard with hopes of becoming a doctor. Hank had been disappointed neither of his grandsons wanted to become cops, Danny opting for a career in technology, but Erin was relieved she wouldn't spend the next twenty years not being able to sleep for worrying about James safety every time he was on shift. Will on the other hand was a proud peacock knowing his nephew was taking after him. When Jay had rolled his eyes at Will's constant gloating, Will had reminded Jay how he'd have a niece following in his footsteps thanks to Erin's convincing presentation about women on the police force last week at her high school.

Miki would be leaving them too. She's secured a scholarship to UCLA in politics science and a spot for little Lindsay at the on campus daycare. Both Jay and Erin were impressed with how tirelessly Miki worked at not only being a good mom but securing a bright future for her and her daughter. Still Erin was going to miss all of them and the chaos they brought to their house.

By the end of the kids second semester away Jay could tell something was up with his girl. Erin had become quiet and seemed disinterested in work and their new quieter routine. Jay had hoped having the house to themselves meant they could rekindle some of the early habits they'd had, when they didn't have to worry about being interrupted by needy toddlers or rowdy teens. She still took his breath away and Jay wanted to spend their increased free time reminding Erin of all the ways in which he could love her. He missed the kids but was excited to have Erin to himself again. But it was clear their suddenly empty nest had the opposite affect on her. While she didn't deny any advances he made, she just didn't seem herself.

"Talk to me," he coaxed one night while they ate a quiet dinner at their favourite restaurant.

She put her fork down and stared at him for a long time, her eyes looking deep into him. He let her in, not afraid to show her just how much he loved her and the life they'd built together. It was a roller coaster of a ride. Filled with incredible highs, the pot holes of sometimes failing at balancing demanding and draining careers with raising a family and maintaining a healthy relationship and all the twist and turns in between. Jay wouldn't trade a minute of it.

"I'm done," she announced with confidence and a sad smile.

Jay felt like he'd been punched in the throat. He knew she'd been sad over James and Miki leaving but he had no idea it reached beyond that. He'd heard how empty nesters would wake up one morning after their kids were gone and suddenly realize they were strangers who no longer wanted to be together but he didn't think that described him and Erin, not even close, and he would fight tooth and nail to prove it to her. Jay sat speechless.

"I've been thinking about it, and with the kids off pursuing their own lives there's nothing keeping us here anymore Jay. I'm tired of the politics, the crazy hours, we've put in our time, done our part to make this city a safer better place we were proud to raise our son in. But I'm done. I wake up every morning now and feel empty. I've given so much, and so have you. I'm so proud of you, of both of us, and the careers we've dedicated to this city but I keep wondering when it's our time. When are we going to keep our promise to each other Jay? You've spent the last twenty plus years painting this perfect picture of our life sitting by the water soaking in the peace, wrapped up in each other's arms and I'm tired of waiting. I'm tired of saying someday. I want it now while we're still young enough to enjoy it and each other. I want the rest of our someday Jay. I want to retire to that old cabin in Wisconsin. A week or two a year isn't enough for me anymore. I want to sell the house and move there, permanently."

Jay sat back stunned. It was true, everything she'd said had been his dream right from the start with her, but he was still shocked she brought it up. She'd always played it cool when they talked about it. Reminding him of how many mosquitoe bites she'd gotten on their last trip or how she was sure they'd find a meth lab on the property next time they were there. Jay had resigned himself to a at least ten more years on the job before he'd be able to coax his big hearted, put everyone else first, dedicated to the job, city girl into retirement and even then he figured they'd be staying in the city.

"And the kids?" He asked wondering if she'd though about how they'd feel about the family home being sold.

"They've always loved Christmases and summers up there, there's more than enough room for when they come home to visit," she reasoned.

"And what about the mosquitoes," he teased, letting himself get excited now that he realized there was a possibility Erin was being serious.

She shrugged. "The bugs aren't that bad, I just like to bust your balls, besides it gives you an excuse to rub aloe on me," she said with a suductive smile.

"And the meth labs," he continued to banter, enjoying her train of thought.

"I know a couple cops who are about to retire who could keep the vagrants off our land," she shrugged with a giggle.

Jay sat forward and took Erin's hand in his across the table. "You really want to do this?"

Erin nodded, hesitantly, "only if you do too, I don't want to force you to retire before you're ready so if you need a few more years I'll understand but I've run the math, we've put in enough time, saved enough, and with the sale of the house we should be fine. Besides you're forever telling me I give too much of myself to everyone else."

"You've put a lot of thought into it," Jay said, surprised she'd been thinking about this so long and keeping it to herself. It had taken a few years in the beginning but they'd learned to communicate openly, never keeping secrets between them over the years.

"I have, I wanted to make sure I was sure before I said anything. I know how badly you wanted this and I didn't want to get your hopes up if I wasn't sure," Erin said by way of apology.

A huge smile spread across Jay's face, one full of excitement and a litre mischief. Erin's tummy still fluttered when he looked at her like that, knowing his mind had gone somewhere that involved bringing her a whole lot of pleasure. She couldn't resist smiling back when he looked like that. He was every bit as gorgeous as the day he'd strode into the bullpen at the 21st his first day in Intelligence and confidently introduced himself to her. She knew then he'd be trouble for her. She just didn't know just how much trouble. Or how amazing it would make her feel.

"So what do you think?" She asked, because aside from the boyish grin, he really hadn't let on how he felt about her proposal. "Do you want to retire with me?"

Jay stood up, pulling Erin to a stand and wrapped his arms around her. He smiled down at her, dipping his head and stopping an inch from her lips.

"Oh definitely," he replied, then captured her lips in a searing kiss.

That Christmas, in front of the floor to ceiling windows framing the snow covered forest and icy river, Jay finally slipped his mother's ring on Erin's finger. Their friends and family had all made the trek to Wisconsin for the occasion they had to see for themselves to believe.

It had been Jay's turn to surprise Erin. He'd taken her for a weekend getaway to Mackinac Island and just as the forth of July fire works started he'd dropped to one knee. Jay had never pushed for marriage, knowing the commitment they made to each other was as real and more solid than most of the marriages he'd witnessed over the years. Erin had never left him feeling like he was missing out on anything so he saw no need to push her out of her comfort zone on the issue. But when she dropped the early retirement bomb he knew he wanted to spend their Wisconsin days as Mr. and Mrs. Halstead. She'd said yes immediately but shook her head at all the trouble he'd gone to to make it perfect.

"Jay I didn't need any of this," she said holding her hands out at the scene before her. "It was just a joke, something to impress those suck up girls I went to school with."

"I know, but I wanted you to have the Zuckerburg story, although I kinda think I've aged a little better than he has, even if I only have a cops pension." He winked at her.

"He doesn't hold a candle to you babe, no one ever could," she laughed, kissing him.

And now James stood proudly with his Uncle Will at his father's side as his Papa Hank escorted his mother into the room. She's refused to let them make any sort of isle for her to walk down and barely consented to letting Aunt Nat play violin to her entrance. But mom laughed as she approached them, making her even more beautiful, when she caught sight of little Lindsay twirl in circles to the pretty music. It was short and sweet and he'd deny it if asked, but he'd teared up watching the two most amazing people he'd ever met affirm their love for each other.

James knew how lucky he was to be a product of such love. He'd never once doubted their belief in him. They'd been honest and straightforward in their parenting, never sugar coating things. He knew a little of his mom's history, he knew how dangerous their jobs could be and the toll that kind of work took on them, but he'd grown up in an affection home filled with laughter. He had more honorary aunts and uncles and cousins then he did real ones, his parents surrounding him with a family build on a foundation of love and trust rather than genetics.

He'd had his moments of rebellion over the years, something his Papa said was bound to happen given how stubborn and independent his parents were, but thankful they'd given him room to breathe and make his own mistakes. He'd never be able to thank them for what they'd done for Miki. They accepted his best friend as part of the family and he loved the way Lindsay called them Papa Jay and Nana Rin, not quite able to pronounce his mother's name. His mom always waved off Miki's gratitude, saying she was simply paying it forward but James knew that if his parents hadn't stepped in when they did Miki would likely have died instead of planning a career as a woman's rights activist.

James was a bit surprised when they told him they were retiring, the only thing they'd been more dedicated to then him was their careers. He was happy for them though. And happy his visits home would now mean time spent at the cabin he'd grown up vacationing to. This place held only the best of memories, becoming the place his parents would bring their little family to when the real world became too much.

Watching happy tears slip down his mother's cheeks and the way his father beamed down at her while gently wiping them away, he knew this quiet little cabin filled with four generations of love and an eclectic mix of family was where they belonged.

Always.


End file.
